Satire-Story based on a cat's attempt at telling the humans that he does not want a bath.

Here I am just minding my own business, going about my day, playing, chasing things, eating, sleeping, just living. And then this female human shows up with a bottle of shampoo. She knows I’m a feline, not a canine. But, she doesn’t give a whiskers damn. She just looks at me and then widens those two parts below her nose and says, “It’s bathy time.”

Next thing I know, she swoops me up in her arms and then takes me over to this big silver hole looking thingy where she places me under a large water dispensing tube. “JC, son of God, what is she doing to me?!” She turns on the water and… “MEOOOW!” Pickled fish sticks, that water was colder than arctic ice!

Seeing how I was freezing like a back alley Russian cat did nothing to warm her icy heart. She just laughed and continued her watery assault on me. But ha, I had something up my little sleeve. I kicked the ol’ noggin into overdrive and I took my little paw and shut off the water. Ha, that’ll teach her. At least, that’s what I thought until I saw her accomplice.

The other human came over to the big silver hole looking thingy with a big yellow cup with the words FREE, of all things, written on it. Talk about adding insult to injury. I turn off the water and the big yellow FREE cup human then turns around and pours it on me.

From that point on, I decided that these humans are as dumb as dogs. You have to tell them a million times what to do before they do it right. Oh well, it’s only one way to handle this problem. Time to bring out the claws!

Meow, come here human, human, human!